March 24, 2011

This Tax is Crap

Here at Niagara Times, we've grown accustomed to politicians, particularly of the Democrat variety and/or Mike Bloomberg, coming up with unique ways to control what every single American does.

But never have we seen anything this obnoxious.

It seems that Jim Suttle, the Mayor of Omaha, Nebraska, went to Washington the other day to offer some helpful advice to our federal overlords. Now, we really didn't think the clowns in Washington needed any help coming up with ways to tax us, so we're hoping they haven't outsourced brainstorming new taxes to far-off Omaha. But if they have, we'll say right now that Mayor Suttle is full of crap, and so are his ideas.

Suttle has a simple solution for financing sewer upgrades for, well, for big cities like the one he presides over: tax our toilet paper. You see, under the Suttle Plan, the feds would slap a 10-cent tax on every single roll of toilet paper you bought.

Proponents of a national sales tax always pointed out that it rewarded frugal living: the less you consumed, the less you paid in taxes. We suppose the Suttle Shit Tax probably follows the same logic: clench hard enough, and you can drop an entire tax bracket.

We shouldn't be surprised. For every Democrat politician, it seems like there is a dumb scheme to tax us.

So, here's hoping that the feds flush this obnoxious idea, and that the voters of Omaha wipe Suttle out at the first opportunity.


James T. Kirk said...

Mr. Suttle's tax proposal actually leaves a lot of questions unanswered, Hobbes.

Would one-ply and two-ply be taxed at the same rate? And what about the "jumbo rolls" that some toilet-paper manufacturers are selling? Since those rolls cost more, if they were taxed at the same rate, then this would seem an unconscionable effort by the rich to avoid paying their fair share.

And what about able-bodied people who use a public toilet? Are they guilty of tax fraud?

sundayniagara said...

Why don't we just get rid of all the racist, Nazi, people-hating, KKK Repugnicans?