Saturday, I took a drive to Niagara Falls to pick up some ziti and meatballs at the Como at the Airport. For all of the Cataract City’s flaws, good Italian food has always been its singular redeeming quality.
While waiting for my order, I flipped through a well-worn copy of the Niagara Gazette sitting at one of the tables. And I found myself laughing at the abysmal copy the hometown news-rag was putting out.
Aside from all of the typos—I lost count after the fourth paragraph in one article—what really blew my mind was Saturday morning’s lead story: It seems a Falls woman picked up the torch for her deceased author-husband and finished the sequel to his earlier book.
The Gazette devoted considerable attention to this. And, indeed, if this were, say, Will and Ariel Durant’s The Story of Civilization, the notion of a husband-wife writing team might have been special. And motivating. And a reason for Niagara Falls to be proud. And a reason for the Niagara Gazette to write a glowing story as if the Bard himself were in their midst.
But no, this is Niagara Falls. The community that makes it its job to embarrass the rest of this county and wish we could change the name of our county.
No, this woman, featured so prominently in the Niagara Gazette for her literary feat had just published Captain Pharto Disciplines the Brats. And this delightfully titled tome is the follow-up to Phartom of the Opera: A Classic of the Gasses.
Yes, the Niagara Gazette believes that someone publishing jokes about flatulence is worthy of front-page coverage. But then again, our old pal “reporter” Mark Scheer’s latest column could be described in such terms, too, so what’s the difference?
You stay classy, Niagara Falls.