March 12, 2010

Steal This House

Here at Niagara Times, we’ve always taken an active interest in the long-term plans of our beloved county manager, Mr. Gregory D. Lewis. Greg’s provided us so much material these past few years, that frankly, we think of him as a part of the Niagara Times family.

For that reason, and because of what a community-minded guy your old pal Hobbes is, we wanted to appeal to our vast readership to help Greg out with a situation looming in his future. As many of you know, the Niagara County Legislature won’t be renewing Greg’s contract as county manager. We mean *cough cough* Greg won’t be seeking another term as county manager. And that leaves him in a bit of a pickle.

You see, when Greg came to Niagara County, he bought a pleasant little home in the City of Lockport, at 99 Carolina Avenue. Actually, it’s quite a nice address to live at inside the Lock City. It’s surrounded by homes with nicely-manicured yards. We all know what a stickler Greg has been about projecting a professional image, so we imagine it must be quite nicely decorated and well-maintained.

We’re told that the house is a 3-bedroom, 1,940 square-foot Dutch Colonial, built ca. 1977. It’s…er…blue. It has a tree in the front yard. What can we say, it’s a nice, all-American kind of house.

Now, surely, someone among our readership can take an active interest in Greg’s plight. We doubt he’s going to want to stay around Niagara County, never mind continue living in the county seat, driving past the Philo J. Brooks County Office Building every day, knowing someone else is sitting in his old office. Lewis’ house at 99 Carolina will soon be going at fire sale prices.

So, as a civic service, we appeal to you, our Dear Readers, to find it in you to take stock of your own housing situation, or your families’ and friends’. Call Greg. His number is on the county webpage. Make him an offer.

It’s time for Greg to move on, and we want to do our part to help. And since we’re so nice, we won’t even charge Greg a realtor’s fee if one of you buys his house. We’ll just take pride in having helped Greg move on to the next step in his career.

4 comments:

tomslick said...

Cold man, cold. But very, very funny.

The Avenger said...

Couple of questions. Is there a mural anywhere in the house of "I love Niagara County"...that would be a deal breaker.

I'll start the bidding....$75K.

Wait a minute, is there any chance that this house gets put on the Historic Register and gets one of those blue signs with yellow lettering that would read: "This the historic home of Niagara County Manager Greg Lewis who led Niagara County through the turbulent Mount View Wars."

If that's the case, I'm upping my offer to $80K

lido said...

Dammmit, I was gonna start the bidding at two bits - as long as it included a thorough fumigation.

Dark Knight said...

Any chance I can buy the house and Greg Lewis sticks around as my butler, a la Mr. Belvedere? Now that I would have an interest in.