Well, it seems that Niagara's lame-duck county manager Greg Lewis is intent upon providing the pages of Niagara Times with fodder right up until he departs for Minnesota, Kansas or wherever the hell his type reside. This time around, after sitting at the Brooks Building for the better of seven years with virtually nothing to show for the time, Lewis has taken the bold step of implementing a no solicitation policy. Sources have told us that the inspiration for the action was....prepare yourself...someone actually having the gall to sell Girl Scout cookies on county property!!
We've all seen the sheets around the workplace that allow you to sign up to purchase your favorite cookies, whether they be the scrumptious Peanut Butter Patties, the classic Thin Mints or the just plain addictive Samoas. Girl Scout cookies have been a staple of the office environment since I can remember. Apparently Lewis finds this offensive.
Of course, we have our own theory on what has lead to this ban on solicitation by Lewis. It's no secret that Greg has a bit of a weight problem. Temptation is a powerful, compelling force. We believe that in order to eliminate the vast temptation that Greg is faced with throughout the Girls Scout's selling season, he has implemented the policy in order to eliminate the lure of the cookie.
As someone who has a bit of a sweet tooth, I can understand the overwhelming inducement of a Dulce de Leche. But why now? Why does he feel it is necessary to punish those sweet, little girls who are just trying to raise a few bucks for their cause? I ask you - IS THIS NOT AMERICA? IS THERE ANYTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN GIRLS SCOUT COOKIES? NO, I SAY! NO!
There is only one solution to this issue: Rescind this vicious attack on America, Mr. Lewis! Now!
No Solicitation Policy
Employees are prohibited from engaging in solicitation for any purpose if such activity occurs during their working time or the working time of other employees. Solicitation on Niagara County premises and solicitation using Niagara County resources including internal mail, through the use of any electronic mail system or the internet/intranet is prohibited.
"Solicitation" includes approaching any person or persons for any of the following purposes: offering items for sale, requesting donations, collecting funds, canvassing, or seeking to promote, encourage or discourage participation in or support of any organization.
The only exception to this policy are sanctioned drives that are sponsored by Niagara County such as the annual United Way Campaign.
If necessary, please contact the Manager of Labor Relations or Human Resources Director for further clarification.