September 8, 2009

Our Take

By now I'm sure many of you have heard of the armed robbery in Lockport last night. Although the Buffalo News has its own take on last night's events, we're going to write the story how it should actually read in the media.

(Lockport, New York) - Three black men, who have been a scourge on society since they were born, walked into the Lockport Kentucky Fried Chicken and stuck guns in the faces of terrified workers.

The men, all with extensive rap sheets, although what they've actually been convicted for pales in comparison to the number of crimes they've committed, escaped on foot after attempting to run over a Lockport police officer.

Multiple police agencies were called in to search for the the three scumbags, who ravaged through the quiet streets of the community. Police used helicopters and police dogs to aid in the search.

Residents of the city were forced to take additional precautions and many feared for their lives, especially knowing that Lockport's children were to return to classes with these pieces of shit still on the loose.

One of the perpetrators was eventually caught, and quickly confessed. When asked why he did it, he stated, "My welfare check just ain't doin' enough for me, man. I gots 11 kids to feed and Kentucky Fried Chicken looked like a good place to rob. And I figured I could gets me a 20 pack while I was there".

A member of the Niagara County Sheriff's Department, speaking on the condition of anonymity, knows the three suspects well. "Oh yeah, we know these scumbags. We keep arresting them and arresting them and these weak judges keep putting them back on the street. I guess it's going to take someone getting killed for these judges to start taking this shit serious."

Two of the scumbags remain at large, but they'll be in custody soon since the first rat-bastard gave it up like a two dollar whore.


James T. Kirk said...

Provocative, Hobbes. But so exasperatingly true.

Clark Griswold said...

Very well put, Hobbes. Maybe mainstream news sources such as the aforementioned Buffalo News need to start telling things even a little more as they really are. That would put some more heat on the judges to increase sentences and get these useless scumbags off the once safe streets of Lockport.