May 21, 2009

Up, Up and Lost

It's a beautiful day in Western New York, we have along weekend coming up, and doggonit, I'm in a jovial mood today. So, I thought a little levity would be nice. Of course, the following is indeed funny, but unfortunately, so painfully on point as well. Enjoy....

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”


Paladin said...

Wow. Joe is a really bitter person. You know, I read the other day that Republican men tended to be the most personally happy group, and Democrats as a whole were unhappy people, according to some new scientific study.

Joe is living, breathing proof.

Must suck to be so full of anger and hate all the time.

Paladin said...

Oh--and Joe, don't give up your day job as a DelMonte bootlicker. You'd starve if you tried to make it as a stand-up comic.

John Restaino said...

I am a Democrat...and a Liberal..
I couldn't be happier. 4 more years!!

Mr. Pink said...

Hobbes posts a little humor...Joe posts some too. Can't we all just laugh and move on.

I'm the Rodney King of Niagara Times, I guess.

Mr. Pink said...

And this is my favorite...I think it's by PJ O'Rourke.

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.